i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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