Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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