did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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