I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
