i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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