I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
