trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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