last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
