just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
True strength comes from lack of pants
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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