If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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