you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
