I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
