Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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