Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
