i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
bring money and cleavage
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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