How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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