my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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