My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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