why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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