you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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