I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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