I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
