Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know