I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
wow bdsm is so cute
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
