Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
