Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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