I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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