One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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