I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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