Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize