wakey wakey hands off snakey
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
