If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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