She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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