I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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