You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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