There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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