Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
