Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
