My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
