I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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