I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
