you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
