Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
