u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
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Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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