if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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