Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
