It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
