So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
