Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
