At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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