is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So many bounce houses so little time
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The uberlube is also flammable
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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