Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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