This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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