I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
