my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
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Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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