i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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