this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
