How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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