Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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