I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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