"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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