A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
