Jerry, you need to find god
He uses pillows to masturbate.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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